Looking Unto Jesus

A story and devotional about the role of the church in our lives

            As a child, I attended a small country church. I remember the musty smell of the dark stained wood. I remember the folding wooden doors that sectioned off the Sunday School rooms.   I remember the family times at this little church tucked away in the cathedral-tall piney woods of East Texas. 

The white stones of the cemetery could be seen from the pulpit.  I remember fans with colorful scenes and pictures of Jesus on big popsicle sticks moving slowly back in forth in the faces of people I knew. Ceiling fans above moved lazily and squeaked with each slow rotation. The windows were thrown wide open, hoping for a breeze in the sweltering East Texas heat. 

We were there, Sunday morning, Sunday night and Wednesday night. We were there any other night that there were services.  My dad drove the church bus and we would pick up my grandmother for services.  My aunts and my cousins went to this church also.  My great grandfather was buried in the cemetery.  My uncle who died from leukemia was buried there as well.   At seven years old during a revival I first recognized my need for a Savior and it was in this little church that I first walked the aisle and was baptized.

            When I was a little older, my parents decided there was opportunity in Colorado, and when I was eleven years old we moved to a small town in northwestern Colorado.  We found a small Baptist mission there and this became our church home. Pastors came and went.  They struggled to survive on the small stipend provided by the Mission Board and what the small congregation could provide.  Still unsettled in my relationship with Christ and still terrified that hell would be hotter than Texas, I again went forward at 14 years old to “settle my account” with Jesus.  My “decisions” for Christ were based in fear and had no real dedication to Christ.  I felt that perhaps I should be a missionary and that would assure my acceptance.  I never acted on that impulse.

            During those years, a Baptist Minister molested both my sister and me.  My last year in high school I started working at the hospital and was warned to stay away from one of the hospital janitors.  This man just happened to be a married member of our church and one of our deacons.  

            Like many girls from small towns, I married young. I married my high school sweetheart, who just happened to be of Hispanic descent and was not a Christian.  My pastor at that time was a racist who refused to let his daughter (she was my age) have anything to do with us. I felt betrayed by my church.  I knew that my husband would never become a Christian with people like this in the church.  In a small town everyone knows everything about other people.

             Later, after having a son together, my husband and I were divorced.  In the mid-70’s there was no real place for divorced people in the church.  I was thrown in with single college people my age with no children.  Again, I felt there was no place for me at church.

            At this time, I made the decision to stop going to church altogether.  After all, divorce was the worst kind of sin.   Some counselors at church did not feel that I should ever remarry.  Others encouraged me to go back into an abusive relationship or live alone and raise my son.  It seemed that the church offered me everything but the forgiveness and the new start I so desperately needed. 

I turned away and went the way of the world for seven long years.  I did most everything there was to do in the 70’s and early 80’s.  I was in charge of my life and was really enjoying it.  My parents were devastated and when they tried to talk to me, I could easily read the list of people in the church that I disrespected and they became my reasons for not being involved any longer.  My parents and my parents’ church continued to pray for me and I am grateful now for their prayers, but at the time all I felt was resentment and bitterness.

            In the summer of 1981 God finally manipulated me into a position where I could hear His voice and the words I heard were “He loves us so much”.  The Holy Spirit used those simple words and they went into my heart as though I had never heard them before.  By Christmas of that year, I had fallen on my knees, alone in my bedroom, and cried out to Jesus, “If you want my life, it is a mess, but here I am.  Take my life and be my Lord.”

            The joy He imparted to me at that moment has never left me.  He helped to find a place in His church and friends to accept me.  It has not been an easy walk.  He is still working on me and changing me.  He waits for me to be ready to receive and He is always so gentle when he points out a fault or a problem and He never shows me a problem without giving me the hope to be better.

            Perhaps this is the way my life had to be, but I cannot believe it is ever God’s will that we turn away from Him or from His church.  How many blessings do you suppose I missed because I looked at other people in the church?  Look unto Jesus, the author and finisher of our faith.  Look away from all that distracts you.  He is one that endured the cross. 

People, especially Christian people, will disappoint you.  They will hurt you.  We wonder why they are not more sensitive or giving.   But in the end, we are all the same.  We all stand in need of God’s grace and His forgiveness.  Few, if any of us are such strong Christians that people will look at us and want to become Christians. We all have the responsibility to point the way to Christ who endured the cross and ignored the shame.  

Perhaps someone has hurt you in the church.  Maybe you are even looking for a reason to quit going to church.  How many times have I heard the church criticized because of someone they know that belongs to “that church”?  Don’t make excuses for that person.  Use that as an opportunity to remind that other person that we all need Christ, those of us in the church, just as much as those without the church.  Get to know Christ.  Find out who he really is.  He may not be the person you think you know.  Study God’s Word on your own.   Get your eyes off other people and be as patient with your brothers and sisters in Christ as He is with you.   Don’t miss a single blessing because you aren’t in a place to receive.   Remember the person God most wants to change is YOU!

Hebrews 12:2 (Amplified Bible)

Looking away [from all that will distract] to Jesus, who is the Source or our faith [giving the first incentive for our belief] and is also its Finisher [bringing it to maturity and perfection].  He, for the joy [of obtaining the prize] that was set before him, endured the cross, despising and ignoring the shame, and is now seated at the right hand of the throne of God.

Author: Julia Riley
Date: 3/5/00