Guilt-Free Motherhood
A mother’s method for dealing with the stress of parenting.
It's Tuesday night.
Today I taught the kids, took them downtown for their PE class, got dinner started
before breakfast was needed, vacuumed the house and watered the plants.
But what I'm
concentrating on, as I sip my tea, tired, are the items on my list that I haven't
checked off. Like the bathrooms. Usually I scour the bathrooms on Tuesdays, but
instead I'm doing two sets of sheets that weren't done Saturday.
They didn't get done Saturday because I went to an AGLOW meeting in the morning
and spent the afternoon at my friend's house. Plus, I was doing the laundry that
didn't get finished on Friday. What if I don't clean the bathrooms and one of
my children drops a toothbrush or licks the bathroom floor?
And there's also the grocery list for tomorrow. I resolve to stay up late and
catch up on everything. I've told my son for three months that I'll sew the tail
back onto his Davy Crocket hat, so I decide I'll do that, too. I'll do everything
on my list instead of half of it being transferred to the next day. I'll write
a nice note to the son I yelled at, too. For once I'll go to bed without feeling
guilty.
At the end of any given
day, I usually feel that there was more I could – or should – have done. I could
have completed one more household chore, spent private time with one child or
another, played with or talked to the three of them instead of sitting down for
a cup of tea. I could have handled that sibling spat with more finesse; I could
have kept my patience when my preschooler dumped over the hoya plant while trying
to climb on the table. I should have prevented her from climbing on the table.
"How is it that I
always manage to feel guilty about something?” I asked my mother-in-law. She nodded
in agreement. "It's part of motherhood."
My Bible Study leader has
a two-year-old son and is pregnant with twins. She asked me whether it would be
a good idea to put her two-year-old in a preschool class after the babies come.
She wants to, but feels guilty – he's only two, after all.
I quoted Romans 8:1 to
her: "Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ
Jesus, because through Christ Jesus the law of the spirit of life set me free
. . ."(NIV). It's true. If that's what she thinks will be best for her and
her family, she should do it, and not look back.
Why, I wonder, am I so
quick to comfort her, yet for myself I feel pressure to be raising three children,
maintaining a beautifully decorated, spotless (at all times) house, as well as
bettering myself with an edifying hobby? I feel guilty because I don't have the
housework done on schedule, I did or didn't do something to manage the kids; whenever
I get frazzled or impatient I feel guilty, too.
I feel like the good mothers
have it all under control all the time, and I'm flunking. And my Bible study leader
feels the same pressure; I think we all might. But my mother-in-law tells me
that the sooner I am rid of mother-guilt, the better. After raising four sons
and thirty foster children, she knows something about it.
"We all have to wrestle
with guilt," she says. "I decided this: if you've done all you know
to
do, then there's no reason
for it. Do everything you know to do, do the best you can." And I should
be satisfied with that.
That sounds good to me.
It was nice to think over the things I did accomplish last Tuesday, both in my
home and with my children, rather than focusing on things that didn't get done.
Whether you're leading a stay-at-home lifestyle, home-schooling your kids, on
the career track or single-parenting, how much better for us to do the best we
know to do and go to bed
satisfied. After all, at
the end of the day we've earned the peace that comes from knowing "[We] gave
as much as [we] were able" (2 Corinthians 8:3 NIV).
Author: Jennifer
Smith-Morris
Date: 2/18/00
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